|
|
|
 .jpg)  Our Lil Princess: Amabel Loh Birthday: 21 August 2006 Place of Birth: Thomson Medical Centre, Singapore Delivery Method: Natural Delivery without Epidural Borned in Gestation age: 38weeks 3days Weight at Birth: 3.005kg Length at Birth: 47cm Breastfeed: 14 months  Our 2nd Lil Princess: Aisleyne Loh Birthday: 15 August 2008 Place of Birth: Thomson Medical Centre, Singapore Delivery Method: Natural Delivery without Epidural Borned in Gestation age: 39weeks 2days Weight at Birth: 3.010kg Length at Birth: 48cm Breastfeed: 3 years+  |
ADVERTISEMENTS
title: Going on food strikes?
date: Friday, November 22, 2013 time : 8:49 AM I don't read Wanbao actually but so happened to see this yesterday night on Wanbao (15 November), when I using it to collect my shaved leg hairs. 😄😊
I can never understand why girl with the healthy BMI would still wanna take the risk to go on food strikes to look even more slimmer.
 Because of such people, we girls who are naturally slim are being categorized into their group...going on diet! I often received such comments "You never eat ah?!", "吃多一点，不要在减肥.” ，""吃多一点”, "吃多一点”，"吃多一点”,"吃多一点”. Sometimes really cannot tahan to wanna shoot back, "NB 你老娘我，吃的比你和男人多很多" .
You know nuts at all, so don't comment.
It's hurting!
Remember my post on The Face of anorexia?
To girls who are at the ideal weight already and ever think of going on food strike to get even skinnier.
Read (http://mypreciousangel.blogspot.sg/2012/11/obesity-fat-anorexia-skinnytwo-sides-of.html) and think twice!!
Exercise and eat healthy at the right meal potion, right food type and never skip meals will be the right way.
Labels: Anorexia, Beauty, Educate, Healthy Body, Healthy Diet, My views ADVERTISEMENTS
title: Could you go bare faced?
date: Wednesday, October 23, 2013 time : 8:16 AM
Came across this article
http://www.divaasia.com/article/8332
by Karen Tee
Interesting topic! that's also my thought... boxed in red  
I love make-up, so as to make myself look better in
a pictures and not to look like the odd one in a party or gathering (sometime I
don’t even care). For me, make-up is about improving on mother nature - wearing
it can make me feel prettier and spice up the happy mood for special occasion.
But
I don't like always wearing it
Even without it also won't make me feel self-esteem If I'm going for marketing, sending and fetching kids from class or just visiting family, I don’t find it necessary to put on any makeup and so of course I won't be that crazy to slap any makeup on my face when I’m staying at home most of the hours in a day. And If I'm not in the mood to do make-up, I won’t even have the mood to even done my hair or be wearing anything particularly stylish thing on me.
Many women have to because of their working
environment that needs them to put on at least a little makeup, that is for the
image of their company. That’s fine. There
is also women wait very long before letting
their man see them make-up free, a survey found. And it seems that women will go to extreme
lengths to impress their partner by deliberately getting up before their
husband to secretly apply make-up before he wakes up because they do not dare
to go bare in front of their love one.
Are you one of those that need to wear
makeup more than 12 hours 24/7, even at home to face people? Would
you think most people would bothered to criticize you look uglier without
makeup or how ugly you are without makeup, I can tell you nobody would care, they don’t even know who you are on
the road. Unless your intention is to attract peoples' attention.
"When make-up becomes a form of armour that you
cannot live without, you might have self-esteem issues." Then that is really sad. Why should
we women hiding our natural look and beauty under pounds of cakey makeup everyday and being true
to yourself and others. Cause at the end
of the day, when you wash it all off, you are just that person with that look on the mirror staring back at you. So why not embrace it and think how to look more confident, healthy and pretty from inside out.
I simply feel really good about being bare faced.
I’m lucky because my bosses don’t care whether my
bared-face would frighten the subjects or clients so I can always let my pores breathe and face people with the natural me. Many time I went bare-faced to town shopping with family too. Being working + mom, really it comes down to
laziness, not even have energy or mood to even spend 15mins doing makeup,
especially if you are a MOM where you always claimed busy and occupied by kids and housechores. Going without makeup did save me time in the morning and shaved a few minutes off my before bed face-washing ritual, that is good enough to get half an hour more of sleep, which a mom desperate for.
Phonic time for Aisleyne last night!
And
that's me bare-faced before our bedtime, that is also how I look on
weekdays (no special occasion) when I am out too with no circle lens, but of course to have
my glasses on else I can't see walk properly.
  My girls are always so kind saying "Mommy no makeup also very pretty" aww I don't need makeup everyday for other to see as long as I'm always pretty in my hus and kids' eyes. I didn't even bothered to cover up my that acne last week, when I'm out with my girls. My time is so occupied to even bother to conceal my acne already. 
last week - the next day after I prick my whitehead
So I really cannot understand why there is people so a fright to go bare on the road or even at home or just so can take beautiful pictures to go online?. This topic is still going hot online, lot of survey going on still. So let vote here too ADVERTISEMENTS
title: Junk Food: Ruining the future for our children
date: Monday, May 20, 2013 time : 9:29 AM This is what I always keep in my phone, .jpg) to remind my girls, how they gonna look like from inner if they wanna stuff themselves with junk food and fast food too often.lol~ and it work!! especially to Aisleyne who is a vainpot! Its helps to make them feel less tempted to eat those junk foods. I can't restricted them totally with the people around offering them but I as a parent will definitely control them not more than once a week. Somehow, i feel terribly for the kids when I saw the parent actually stuff junk food in their children school bag for recess. Can't believe my eyes lol~ are you one?!?! Here a interesting one that I read! To share with you peeps  Knock, knock, knock…Wendy Body and Toby Body came to open the door. “Hello there, dear kids! We are from Fast Food Kingdom. Oh, let me introduce myself. My name is Mr. Fried Chicken. These people behind me are my friends - Mr. French Fries, Mr. Supersized Chicken Burger, Mr. Maximized Hamburger, Mr. Long Hot Dog, Mr. Extra Cheesy Cheeseburger and Mr. Cola Soda. “How old are you both?” The Body siblings replied, “We are twins and we are ten years old, thank you.” “Oh my, you twins are sweet and polite”, said Mr. Fried Chicken. “We are the Faz-Fud Dudes. If you become our friends, you will get free toys to play with. Do you want to be friends with us?” asked Mr. Fried Chicken. “No, no, no. Our mom and dad told us not to talk to strangers. By the way, they told us that people like you will make us fat, especially through the oil to fry the fries and the saturated fats in meat and skin. You people have the reputation to be very addictive, which will only make us eat more. Mr. Fried Chicken tried to persuade Wendy and Toby again. “No - no. We do not mean to force you to become our close friends in an instant. You do not need to welcome us every day. Once in a while, we can play, we will give you toys.” Mr. French Fries added, “We are not stalkers. We are appetite pleasers. I am sure you hate those celery stalks and broccoli in your school meals.” Toby retorted. “No thanks. We don’t want to die so early. Moreover, by becoming friends with you, we are sure that we do not get the toys for nothing. Most of you have bad fats. The likes of Mr. Supersized Chicken Burger, Mr. Maximized Hamburger, Mr. Extra Cheesy Cheeseburger and Mr. Long Hot Dog will super-shrink our arteries with their high cholesterol contents.” “Yeah”, Wendy chipped in. “Besides, you fail to let us know that Mr. Cola Soda has almost nine teaspoons of sugar. We are young, but we are not fools to fall for your sweet temptations. We certainly do not want to end up in Kingdom Hospital. We don’t want to sleep on the bed the whole day. We want to go to school and play. We want to be happy. So, stay away from us!” Feeling rather defeated, the Faz-Fud Dudes left. Suddenly, Vege Lady, Fruitzy and Nutty Boy appeared. “Hi there kids. Aren’t those Faz-Fud Dudes annoying”, said Vege Lady. The rest joined in, “Yeah, they should not force you to become their friends if you refused. Do not worry. We are here for you. We will be present if they are to disturb you again. We will make sure you will be protected from becoming obese, and affected by all sorts of diseases and ailments. We sure hate to see you in Kingdom Hospital.” Nutty Boy exclaimed, “They may have toys, but we have health joys. What we have are lots of vitamins and other antioxidants. And don’t think I have lots of fats. My nuts friends and I have healthy fats that take care of your heart and equip you with brainy brains too!” “Yes, yes, yes. We want to live happily and healthily ever after,” the Body siblings sing in unison. The sibling’s neighbor and school mates; Lazy Fuzzy and Food Junkie heard their conversation. They cannot believe what the siblings are getting into. “Faz-Fud Dudes are the best. They taste much better than yucky greens. Do not become friends with Vege Lady and the gang” they exclaimed. “We sure are having fun with the many toys Faz-Fud Dudes gave us. In fact, we invite them rather frequently,” Food Junkie sniggers. Lazy Fuzzy added, “We are best friends.” Fast forward 30 years later, Lazy Fuzzy accidentally met Wendy Body and Toby Body in a car park. “Hey there, how are you? Where is Food Junkie?” asked Toby Body. In an instant, Food Junkie lowered his head and said sombrely, “He passed away few days ago. He had died of a heart attack. He is still young at the age of early forties. Only old people have heart attack. The doctor said it was because of Faz-Fud Dudes.” They all hugged each other and cried. Labels: Healthy Diet, My views, Share ADVERTISEMENTS
title: Stop judging, this makes you no better than them!
date: Wednesday, April 10, 2013 time : 8:22 AM Been real busy with work and life lately, so much things and photos to update yet I got too little time for that. Only have little free time during morning and evening journey to and back office and home, during lunch and before bed. Extremely stressful lately cause of the endless work. Saw the youtube video on Tyra - Panel of Hates this morning on the bus, so made me wanna share this... Check out their other videos in youtube Who are you to judge?! Just because a person don't have the same negative views as you. Just because a person appearance don't look presentable / perfect to you, just because a person don't agree with your negative points, the negative words you said, the negative things you did...just because you can't accept it, you blind yourself by saying negative comments and judgement on those people. I see how scary these people are (I met one! thanks god only one, one dishonest person that don't worth it as a friend), saying words that sound like trying to make own self appear like a great angel and bring others down. You make no better than anyone else. Calling someone fake won’t make you real. Calling someone ugly won’t make you pretty. Calling someone stupid won’t make you smart. And look at yourself... be it look, attitude or personality, before judging others. Saying that makes you no better than them. It is an unnecessary burden to make negative judgmental assumptions about others. We are all on a journey. “By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.” Labels: My views, She says, Words for you ADVERTISEMENTS
title: A Parent's love
date: Wednesday, February 20, 2013 time : 1:57 PM Mom and dad came last night again; they came to make sure I'm doing good a few days in a week as I need to cook all my meal at home so I don't have time to go over their place. Mom have been very supportive in me into organic and being vegetarian for most meals. Erm... maybe she understands me too well, knowing that I know what I'm doing, and so that no matter what others said I will still be in my stand. So she rather being supportive, not against my thought - my doings. Where else dad feesl that I should still take a bit of meat though he shares the same thought that having lot of vegetable are really good for health. I understand his worries too, knowing that cause he did not ever read up the nutrient of each food so he don't know that the nutrient in meat I can easily get it from other better source in a plant that is even better for body system. And every time they see me, they will ask me to employ maid. I'm way doing too much, worst than a stay-at-home-mom! They alway see me in the house doing this and that, not even have time to sit down chit chat with them, comparing to their friends' daughter who is a stay-at-home-mom doing every single thing. They said I overloaded, too hard on myself. They have been asking me to employ a maid to help out, in the past... I kept saying no, cause I hate having maid, the stress, having to supervise them. Then now that I in the need to rush home to cook every meals at home, they want to support me and asking me to quit my job, so I won't get too tired. I know they really love me and feel heartaching. But I can't don't work la and even shame to have parent to support me. In the past, when I start working, wanna give them allowance but everytime they refused to take a single not to say when I married, they didn't even want to take any single $$$ from me, they said we got house loan to pay. Then after having kid, they even fight to pay our meals or things when we are out together. And now they know my expenses will shot up high again agreeing to employ maid and the need to buy those organic foods, my dad even pushed bucks to me last night, we push here push there that he got so frustrated, scolded me he is tired pushing and I must take, is for me to engage the maid since is them kept forcing me to engage maid! Saying other days will pass me again! Me is like huh...😪😪, saying will accept this and keep in bank first then but don't pass me any anymore. They really love me and even my Hus that they don't want him to be too financial burden cause they knows me his wife really can spend a lot and for the best of my kids. Mom said next time their $$$ will also goes to us brothers sisters, so just take la if unused just keep it in bank! Dad always mentioned wanna give me his stock shares. Me is like huh, I don't know how to play stock sia. So for?! Lol~ He is already retired so is like enjoying life now! Whereas, Mom chooses to continue work, she is super workaholic, she never work she will feel sick. Weird woman haha~ In law also came the few days ago when my parent also around. Haha, look like parents meeting. Then Dad offered to drive them back to Tiong Bahru then back to Jurong again, mom and 2 kids take the ride too to jalan jalan haha  The care is always there, no matter what. And I love them too, just can't live without them. A parents love is whole, no matter how many times divided Yesterday morning, having avocado. Haha, the way I eat it in the office.  Brought bestie Sz to a Onaka restaurant, which served Organic foods  My Organic Pineapple Brown Rice, I pretty love it. Suit me!  Sz dishes, but she claimed that too salty. Look good though  My organic vegen sandwiches. I love it too  Last night, the dinner I cooked, here the kids' portion. Veggie (vitamins and minerals), cashew nut (protein), flax seed powder (healthy fats) , cooked with olive oil (healthy fats) served with Quinoa (complex carbohydrates and non-gluten grains), all necessary nutrient is in there and are high calories that we needed. I am still learning more about the nutrition facts of foods and may slowly introduce more healthy food to them.  Thanks god that they are not a fussy eater when come to meals. Maybe yes at the initial but they don't dare to say NO to me. Ever since they born, whatever thing I serve them. They have to eat, even they don't like.... I will want them to slowly finish up. Even if they don't like it and eat until like wanna vomit, they still got to slowly finish it. Well after sometime they learn to eat the food they dislike. See~ they now like it! They shouldn't be picky on food!  No snacking always for my kids la, even more particular now. So unhealthy....... I thought parent want the best for kids? Instead I giving my kids healthy snack like natural pumpkin, sunflower seeds, or brown rice cracker etc I hate seeing kids one hand ice-cream, one hand chocolate bar. Look cute?!?! what for!! Once in a blue mood ok la I won't say no, don't wanna be that EXTREMELY STRICT mommy too. Sound too kelian But at least I should keep it at minimum. Once a month if they really long waited for? lenient enough?! :D I know Amabel is in primary school, can easily eat it in school without telling me. So I will be particularly strict on her diet at home definitely. Labels: Baby Food Journal, Family, Grandfather, Grandmother, Habits, I Can Cook, Maternal grandfather, Maternal grandmother, Meal Time, Mom, My Food, My Mommy's lifestyle, My views, Plant-based food 
9 Comment(s):
ADVERTISEMENTS
title: 人
date: Saturday, December 29, 2012 time : 12:09 AM Read about the mystery of the Thailand “White Dragon king”(白龍王), made me extremely miss my grandma-in-law who is like him, came to the earth to help people ward off evil effects both at home and abroad, points to the future and the past and help peoples stay out of troubles. She did all these expecting nothing in return, she treats all alike and equally with an unbounded kindness, love and warm heart. Now she was back to where she came from without suffering for the peoples here and we know she has been watching and blessing us up there. We all miss you badly, grandma! The White Dragon King's creed quotations, which most were exactly what my grandma-in-law has been telling us when she was still with us Which I always bear in mind…… ●要決定前途好不好、人缘好不好，事事好不好，最重要脾氣要好，不要迷信，要尊敬父母比尊敬神明更多。  ●拜神求平安，回家卻和父母頂嘴，要怎樣得到平安？ ●父母才是真神，對父母比神好一點，一切便順順利利。 ●心好有好日。 ●讀書讀得高就好，脾氣高就很不好。 ●神不會騙人，只有人騙神。死人不會罵人，只有人罵死人。 ●無論是甚麼人，壞人、好人、有錢人、窮人，來到這裡都要排隊。 ●拜神不要迷信。 ●好樹生好火，家中夫妻和諧，孩子才會學習去遷就人家。 白龍王: 人生不管是士農工商、各種人等， 只要學習就有進步。 第一、「學習認錯」 人常常不肯認錯，凡事都說是別人的錯， 認為自己才是對的，其實不認錯就是一個錯。 認錯的對象可以是父母、朋友、社會大眾、佛祖， 甚至向兒女或是對我不好的人認錯， 自己不但不會少了什麼，反而顯得你有度量。 學習認錯是美好的，是一個大修行。 第二、「學習柔和」 人的牙齒是硬的，舌頭是軟的，到了人生的最後， 牙齒都掉光了，舌頭卻不會掉，所以要柔軟， 人生才能長久，硬反而吃虧。 心地柔軟了，是修行最大的進步。 一般形容執著的人說，你的心、你的性格很冷、很硬，像鋼鐵一樣。 如果我們像禪門說的調息、調身、調心， 慢慢調伏像野馬、像猴子的這顆心，令它柔軟， 人生才能活得更快樂、更長久。 第三、「學習生忍」 這世間就是忍一口氣，風平浪靜，退一步海闊天空； 忍，萬事都能消除。忍就是會處理、會化解， 用智慧、能力讓大事化小、小事化無。 各位要生活、要生存、要生命，有了忍， 可以認清世間的好壞、善惡、是非，甚至接受它。 第四、「學習溝通」 缺乏溝通，就會產生是非、爭執與誤會。最重要的就是溝通， 相互了解、相互體諒、相互幫助， 大家都是龍兄虎弟，互相爭執、不溝通怎麼能和平呢？ 第五、「學習放下」 人生像一只皮箱，需要用的時候提起， 不用的時就把它放下，應放下的時候，卻不放下， 就像拖著沉重的行李，無法自在。 人生的歲月有限，認錯、尊重、包容才能讓人接受，放下才自在啊！ 第六、「學習感動」 我們看到人家得好處，要歡喜； 看到好人好事，要能感動。 感動是一個愛心、菩薩心、菩提心， 在我幾十年的歲月裡，有許多事情、語言感動了我， 所以我也很努力的想辦法讓別人感動。 第七、「學習生存」 為了生存，我要維護身體健康， 身體健康不但對自己有利，也讓朋友、家人放心， 所以也是孝親的行為。
I'm a woman with strong attitude, short temper in the past before I married into hus's family but now I
would dare to say that the above highlighted, I achieved a good grade for all lol,
except the point no. 1 which I’m still improving; sometime I find it a little
difficult to put the face down to say sorry, really depend on the situation
also. And for point 4; which I failed totally in communication. Well I’m considered a
great person with positive thinking, always trying to see thing from different
sides and be understanding,even gossip also got a limit, motto 做人要有口德 and 不要致人于死地. Oh but maybe something bad that
I shouldn't do is that I do close door gossip about one or two the usual f*ck up one in person, with
my very close one once in a blue moon, but not that we like to bitch about them
but is because that person really got problems else no one will came to me to
bitch about that person also. Don’t tell me anyone of you never ever bitch about anyone? Yes?!
Then you must be telling lie or living in your own world. Lol~ I’m often very polite with my words even when come to a f*ck up person. Just don't come and provoke me with your sensitivity or jealousy or whatever, I can be fearless and get into a very horrible stage if you drag, offend or talking untrue thing about me or my family, and I will definitely show the proof of the bad you did, so don't force me which seriously you will get the hell out of me.
Peace mind!! and 脾氣要好好好 Labels: My views, Share, She says ADVERTISEMENTS
title: Obesity [Fat] & Anorexia [Skinny]: Two Sides of the Same Coin
date: Friday, November 23, 2012 time : 12:32 AM Experts devised a Body Mass Index (BMI) and claims that BMI of 18.5 and below is underweight.  Now look at my BMI, BMI = ~40.2kg (Wt) / 1.63m (ht) * 1.63m (ht) = ~15.1 Many people have been giving such comments “You are so skinny! Are you starving yourself / on diet?” or “You never eat ah? You must eat more!” But never never ever before that I starve myself or think of dieting at all. I know that I am very skinny and of course I looked very skinny with a BMI of only ~15.1. When The World Health Organization (WHO) considers a BMI of 16 and below, an indication of starvation; does that mean that I am undergoing starvation already???? I admit that I am underweight, but that doesn’t mean I do not eat. I eat A LOT, my family and friends can attest to that. Personally, I don’t think it’s fair to us who are naturally thin but non-anorexic but was being categorize as anorexic (eating disorder). I have to speak for all the underweight, not anorexic, girls in general. Many people have this misconception that just because you’re thin, that means you’re unhealthy and anorexic. This is truly sad and unfair, and I have to say a numerous of time to many people that “I do eat and I eat a lot”. --- Very tiring la, alway hear the same thing and need to say the same thing. It is the same as people saying you are fat! I never ever want to be this boney and thin stick and being people see as unhealthy and skeletal looking. That's why I always hoping my weight can go up to be in normal BMI so at least I look normal to people' eyes. Of course, neither do I want to be categorize as fat. Though there are still friends being kind saying that I'm blessed with skinny figure, and they are envy of my slim body and have been trying very hard for it but I never think that this boney body is a beautiful figure. When I were trying very hard to gain weight, there are women use various methods to loose extra kilograms by not eating and dieting when they are already in acceptable normal BMI. Women can never satisfy with what they are in or is it because of today society portrays slim women as beautiful and desirable. It is alright to lose little weight but just be careful, do not go extreme without aware it, which this is how anorexic and death ended up with. Yes though I'm pretty sad that I'm boney looking (though still not that seriously thin, thanks god) but I'm still thankful that I'm still eating well with great appetite, at least 3 full meals a day and doesn't let my weight go further down. I'm not anorexia okay!!! And I will never want to let anorexia (an eating disorder that is rooted in an excessive fear of gaining weight) happened on me..... recalling what I read up sometime back about women trying to lose weight but ended up faces anorexia. This is very scary and very heartwrenching (I will share videos that I watched sometime back at the later of this post), one of good examples is a French model, Isabelle Caro having suffered from anorexia since the age of 13, after being told that if she wanted to make it in her dream career as a model, she would have to lose weight. Knowing that she is seriously ill with anorexia, she tried struggling to gain weight but was too late and died from anorexia- an eating disorder, when she was 28. She was 33kg! She had, at one point reached the lowest ever weight of just 55 pounds (25kg) at 1.65m and had slipped into a coma requiring her to be hospitalized. She would eat only two squares of chocolate and 4 or 5 cornflakes- this was all she would eat – all day! And before she went, she made sure that she told her tragic story to people, appearing on TV to warn people about the severity of her condition and grave dangers posed by eating disorders. I tear when I watch her this interview!
Face of Anorexia , she shares her story.
She posed for an anti-anorexia. ‘No Anorexia’ were the words that accompanied the
image, no explanation was needed other than her sad, lifeless body, sunken
eyes, ragdoll, skeleton. She wanted to warn people, to scare people, and that it did.
 Juliet Story Part 1 of 2before you considering to lose by starving and strictly control the diet. I would want to share this also which is from an ana forum: "THIS IS TO THE GIRL WHO SAID SHE "WANTS" TO BE ANOREXIC... So...you think starving is a good way to lose weight, do you? I think you've read too many fairy tales. Well, this isn't one. Neither are eating disorders. They are sheer & total HELL. But, since you want one, I'll go ahead & prep you for it. I'll let you know exactly what will happen to you. If this doesn't make you realize how completely stupid running out there & trying to develop anorexia is, then I wish you the best of luck in killing yourself. Because that's all you'll be doing.  The completely ironic part about people trying to lose weight by starving is that half the time it does not work. I bet you think you'll wind up insanely thin & gorgeous, right? Wrong. You won't be gorgeous .One thing's for certain. Insane is a definite part of the package. Your mind won't be yours anymore. Kiss it goodbye, I hope you didn't enjoy it.  The less you eat, the lower your metabolism goes. You might starve & starve & barely lose anything...or you might be extra lucky...you might starve & starve & gain weight. Your body might just shut itself down & the weight go nowhere. & even though you aren't losing, you'll still be HOOKED. You still won't be able to stop. By the time your body shuts off from malnutrition, you'll be too far in it to *snap* think "Oh...this isn't working...I think I'll eat again." No...you'll be desperate & eat less & less & work out more and more. Eventually, you won't be ABLE to work out. Your muscles will eventually stop cooperating. Then you'll panic & try & eat even less to compensate for not being able to work your ass off (simply a figure of speech, since you're not losing any weight, of course). By then you can't eat less though. You're barely eating enough to stay alive as it is. & you can't stop. It isn't working & you still can't stop. & whether its working or not, you won't see the truth. You'll never actually know what you look like. Nope...no matter what you'll think you must weigh at least four hundred pounds. This is true if you weigh 150 or if you weigh 70. You will be fat. Insane is the proper term for it, isn't it? Yes, you might just be one of the lucky ones, one of the ones that doesn't lose weight. But don't sit there & think that means you won't be sick. Not true...not true at all. Your skin & hair will be dry, your teeth sore, your period gone, your bones aching, your muscles cramping...well, no need to go on. You still want this, of course. After all, you won't be like that. You won't be one of the failures. You'll be successful; you'll be thin & perfect. Beautiful.  Well, since you're going to win, why don't I tell you about your prize, hmm?? It's quite nice. You will be skinny. You will be sickly thin. Your ribs will stand out & your hipbones will be sharp. You won't see it. You'll look in the mirror & see fat. You'll see rolls. You'll look at girls who weight fifty pounds more than you & wonder why you can't be as thin as they are. You'll look in the mirror everyday & swear that you've gained at least ten pounds. Other people will see you shrink but you won't get to watch. You'll never see the truth. Others will though. You'll be sickly skinny...but you won't be pretty. & they'll all see that. You won't though...you'll be too busy staring at your ass & wondering when you turned into your fat Aunt Bertha. You will not be attractive. You won't. You'll have huge dark circles. Your skin will be pasty pale & have a lovely gray tint to it. Makeup will NOT help this. It won't, so don't think it will. Don't even bother to attempt it. You'll be wasting your time; time that could be better spent doing your usual pastime, staring into the pantry to watch the food. Of course, people might not notice that you're gray. They could be too busy staring at the dark black, blue, & purple spots you're covered in. Everything you do will result in a bruise. Everything.  Do you have pretty hair? You won't anymore. It will be straw dry & dull. It will not shine. Think conditioner will help? It won't. It won't & there's no sense in trying it. It might soften your hair for a while (after you use half the bottle, of course) but it won't make your hair look any better. Buy a ponytail holder. You'll need it. You'll probably be wearing it all the time. You'll also need some hair dye. I sincerely hope your hair isn't a nice color....because it won't be soon. Yes...the color of your hair will fade out. You might even get grays. But gray is a nice color, isn't it? I rather like it. I think the grayish brown color where my natural red and blonde highlights used to be adds a bit of...oh...dignity to my look. 
Lanugo
Speaking of hair, do you like facial hair? I hope so. You'll have it. I have some lovely sideburns. Quite gorgeous. Actually, I have sexy hair everywhere. Fuzz, fuzz, fuzz. It's hot. All the guys love it and all the girls I know ask how to get some. They're jealous, you know. I tell them how I got it, starving. They never attempt it...I know why though. Its not because they're smart & healthy...no, no. Its because they're weak. Not strong like me. Of course, my muscles are deteriorating as we speak & I can no longer use even my five pound weights but I'm still strong, aren't I? Yes...because I don't eat. & that's true strength, isn't it? Denying yourself the basic fuel you need for life. Yup...strong & smart.I bet you're one of those girls will the enviable natural nails. Those shiny ones that are so long people sometimes think they're fake? Cut them. Go ahead & cut them off now. They'll only break soon anyway.  Kiss your newly gray hair goodbye too. It'll be falling out about now. You get to clean the drain about 6 times during your shower, just so the water will go down. Also, you'll need to find a way to throw away your tampons to make it look as if you've been using them. Remember to tell your mom to buy you tampons once a month. Can't have her knowing you lost your period. & you will. I hope you're not having sex because you'll never know if you're pregnant or not. I guess you can just take a test every few weeks. & yes...you can still get pregnant. I hope you don't love the baby though, because chances are you'll lose it. It would probably be for the best if you did though because of the nice birth defects caused by eating disorders. So, you might get to live with the knowledge that your child died or had to go through life with a terrible disability because of you...but it was worth it for thinness. A small price to pay for perfection, even though you're not the one paying it. Who needs their full mental capabilities anyway? I hope your kid doesn't. But that might not be a problem. You might never have children. You might become infertile. Oh well...pregnancy makes you fat anyway.   Since you're one of the special ones, one of the anorexic ones, I'll bet you enjoy ice water. Pour it out. Drink plain water, warm diet coke. It hurts too badly to drink iced drinks. You're taking sensitive teeth to a new level. Forget those special toothpastes though. They don't work when your teeth are slowly dying from vitamin deficiencies. Never liked those teeth anyway. Dentures are nice. How do you like to sit? Oh...you like your legs crossed? Hmm...too bad. Can't do that anymore. Your legs will fall asleep all the way up to your hips. Painfully asleep. This isn't like what you're used to, that tingly feeling. This hurts. A word of advice. After uncrossing them, just sit there. Don't try moving them or hitting them to wake them up. Bad idea...very painful. Don't stand up either, unless you enjoy collapsing. Fainting is common too. & don't think this is something you can hide. Whenever you pass out dead in the living room in front of your mom or brother they'll wonder why...and unless they're complete idiots they'll probably know why...especially if you're 30 pounds underweight. Get ready for nagging. Eat this, eat that, why are you doing this to yourself?? You could always go to your room to escape though. Then you can lie in bed & bite your lip until it bleeds...why would you want to do that, do you ask? Because of the leg cramps, of course...oh! I must've forgotten to mention those! Oooh...the cramps are nice. Your muscles are balled into excruciating knots. You'll double over to massage the knots out and...what? There are no knots. There IS no rubbing the knots out because there are no knots. It just feels like it. There's nothing you can do. You just get to lie there & try not to scream. & trust me...you'll want to. Of course, you could always rub your legs anyway...it might make you feel better to pretend there's something you can do to help them. But you might not be thinking about your legs...you might be distracted by the headaches. Take some aspirin...oooh...or don't. Your tummy's too empty; it'll only make you throw up everywhere. It's worth it right? Anything's worth it, even your hair, nails, bones, muscles, possible children, your family's heart, everything. Sacrifice it all, throw it all away. You're thin now, that's what counts, even though you don't know it. You'll probably get chest pains. Maybe heart flutters. This is scary too, because you never wanted to die, you just wanted to be thin. But remember, you can't tell. Telling is forbidden & asking for help is weak.  Do you have problems with depression? You do now. The less you eat the more depressed you become. Partially from vitamin deficiencies, partially from your lovely eating disorder. Do you have problems with insomnia? That's right, you've got that now too. You're exhausted beyond belief but you still can't fall asleep...& when you do you can't stay asleep. Who needs sleep though?? Not you. Staying awake burns more calories anyway. Do you do well in school? You don't now. You can't concentrate. Your mind won't function, & the only thing you can actually think about is food anyway. Your grades will fall. Want to recover? You'll probably have to leave school. How does repeating a grade sound? Do you like going out with friends? You won't for long. You'll be afraid someone might notice how obese you are. You can't leave the house now without hiding under tons of clothes...you're terrified someone might see your repulsive body. You'll become more nervous too. Jittery. You'll also have difficulty talking. Oh...have you never had a stuttering problem? Well, you do now. You also forget what you wanted to say alot. Goodbye memory. And you can't go out with friends anyway, so I guess it's a good thing you no longer enjoy it. If you go out with friends they might want to eat! Maybe they'll want to go to a restaurant or the movies. How can you explain that you don't want any popcorn? How can you find an excuse for sitting there at the table sipping Diet Dr. Pepper or nibbling a salad & water while everyone else has cheeseburgers?? You can't. & they might make you eat. You can't do that...no. But why do they want you to eat? Is it because they care? No. Its because they WANT you to be fat!! How dare they?? They're jealous...that's it, they're jealous. Soon you'll realize something. Everyone wants you to be fat. Your parents, your siblings, teachers, friends. The world is against you & they all want you to spiral into morbid obesity. Get away from them. All of them. They don't understand & they're plotting your downfall. You can't have that, you can't lose this. Every time someone urges you to eat or recover "for your health" you know the truth. They hate you & want you to be fat. Push them away. Push away all the people who love you. That's the only way you'll ever be thin. 
Israeli model, Hila Elmalich, RIP
Isabelle Caro
But
one day this will be over. One day you will either die or recover.
Death is easier. First you'll have to admit you need help (that is, on
the chance that you haven't been forced into recovery...recovery that
will not work until you cooperate). This is one of the hardest things
you've ever done. Maybe you'll tell your mom. She might be wonderfully
supportive, she might've already known. Or maybe she won't think you
have a real problem. Then you're on your own. Maybe you'll tell your
doctor. & if you tell your mom, she'll take you to a doctor. Then
its better. You're safe now, they'll help you. They'll understand.
Wrong. A degree is not an insurance against ignorance. & speaking of
insurance, it only pays so much on mental health problems. And ED
treatment costs are outrageous. So, even if you find a doctor that knows
his ass from a hole in the ground you might not be able to get help.
You might not be able to afford it.As you
recover, your school might have to know. Your teachers will not
understand. Students might find out. They won't understand either. Their
comments will hurt, you'll want to scream when they ask why you don't
just eat. They might call you fat just for fun. Someone might start to
admire you & try to become anorexic too...but then, you've been
there. You wanted to be anorexic once & you never realized how
stupid you were. You know it now, but it's too late. Its too late &
you have to fight this or die...& fighting it is the hardest thing
you've ever done. You'll put food in your mouth, that disgusting,
terrible food & panic & want to cry. Maybe you will cry. Maybe
you'll freak & spit it back out. Maybe you'll refuse to eat & get a lovely feeding tube. Triggers are everywhere & you want to kill yourself more with each bite you swallow. Maybe you will kill yourself. Maybe you'll fight & fight & enter recovery only to die while in recovery or even afterwards from complications caused by your years of having an eating disorder. After fighting for the longest time, maybe you will get out. Maybe, after numerous slip ups & times that where so hard you thought you'd die, you recover. It takes a while. Even after you've eaten right for months & months your body still isn't the same. You start to wonder if it will ever be the same again. It might, but you won't. No. This will always be a part of you, it will never go away. Years later it will still be with you, you will still have those moments. Sometimes you'll pass a mirror & suddenly be 200 pounds larger. You'll panic & shake your head, trying to clear the image away. Something will happen in your life, maybe you'll lose your job. Something will happen to take away your control & you'll try to gain it back through starving. You will NEVER be the same. You'll see an article on a someone with an eating disorder & you'll start to cry, remembering that terrible pain. I'm not talking about the physical pain. That's the only pain I described, because it's the only part that's describable. There are no words for the mental anguish. It can never be described. It's unimaginable. You'll never feel another pain like that, another pain so filled with self loathing, vulnerability, terror, rage, desolation... WHY do you want this?? WHY?!? I know, even after reading this, that you're still sitting there, wanting this. Why? What is it you want?? Is it beauty? Do you honestly think you won't be like this?? Do you honestly think malnutrition won't steal your looks? Is it glamour? READ THIS. Show me the glamour. Is it control?? Let me tell you, you'll NEVER be more out of control than you are when you have an eating disorder. You don't control what you put in your mouth. Hell, you don't even control your thoughts. You have NO control. None. Do you honestly think that you'll be able to do this & not wind up this way? Do you think you are the one person on earth who can control this, who can just stop??? Do you think that maybe you can just do this, get thin, & stop?? WRONG! It doesn't work that way. Do you WANT to die? Do you want to be a martyr or something? Do you think this is beautiful? I bet you think its some sort of tragic beauty. Its not. There's nothing beautiful about it. Do you want some attention? Buy a new eyeliner, dance naked in the streets. Needing attention is a natural thing but there are a hell of alot better ways to get it. 
Father of sisters Luisel Ramos and Eleana (aka Eliana) Ramos, who both died from anorexia, at the funeral of Eleana
Eleana Ramos, RIP
Luisel Ramos, RIP
Do
you want to look at your family's faces & know that you're killing
them too? Imagine watching your child killing themselves, imagine your
helplessness, imagine KNOWING that they're dying & KNOWING that
there's NOTHING that you can do. Imagine fearing the day you'll come
home to find them dead from this. Just sit there & try to think
about it. Of course, while you're starving yourself you won't see that
anguish. You won't be able to. You can't see anything, you're too self
absorbed. You're too busy thinking about your weight, about food. You'll
see it when you recover though & you'll hate yourself for doing
that to the ones you love. You'll wish there was something you could do
to erase it but there is nothing. You just have to live with it...&
living with it is hard. Especially when you think of how many times your
anger came out on them, how many times you got nasty when they were
only trying to save your life. You'll hate yourself.
Young girl who died from a ruptured stomach
But
do you know what? Self-hatred is the least of your worries now. Because
you've likely just signed your own death warrant...& you likely
don't even care...yet. But you will. You will care. You will care &
you will cry & rage & swear you'd give anything to take it all
back. But it's too late, because by the time you're in deep enough to
care, you're already dying. Its too late to snap out of it now, no
matter how much you want to.
This is the reality of anorexia. It is nothing like the powerful articles you read on how so & so overcame it. It is nothing like the beauty you see when you look at that thin model. It is nothing like that beautiful popular girl who naturally weighs 80lbs. It is nothing like anything you've ever lived before & you will never be the same." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ More here in Singapore sites: Singapore Beauty & after-40kgs WEIGHTLOSS blogger - http://myfatpocket.com/blog/claireaudreylim/tag/anorexic/ Association of Women for Action and Research - http://www.aware.org.sg/body-image-self-esteem/eating-disorders-faq/ Obsessed with being thin? You’re not alone - http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/fit-to-post-health/obsessed-being-thin-not-alone-033735786.html Labels: Anorexia, Beauty, Healthy Body, Healthy Diet, My views, Share |
0 Comment(s):