It has been more than 2 months, I had never raise my hand to punish Amabel even she made me angry.
I use my mouth to scold her than using force to punish her.
Just when I'm going to give myself a pat for the good work and better control of myself;
Yesterday I raised my palm again and slap on her hand.
Real hard!
Even I feel the pain. My palm and my heart.
Then I regretted again and blaming myself for not controlling.
I were changing Amabel after her shower, she started throwing tantrum, keep screaming for her milk,
I told her to wai,t after she wear her pyjamas I will make for her.
But my words couldn't get into her ears, she kept screaming and jumping for it.
Making me super pekchek.
It's countless times I repeated "WAIT! Later I'll make for you, wear your clothes first"
But her motor kept going non stop so I put her in quiet corner.
She cried even louder.
I said countless times "you stop crying, I'll let you come out."
She continued crying for nearly half an hour, then that she made me boiled
I asked her to apology for not listening, again I said this "Say Sorry to Mommy!" *countless times*
She's super stubborn, don't give in and apology.
I requested this for more than half an hour and then she finally said
"sorry mommy", and ran to one corner weeping.
Being force to apology, think she's super buay song.
After she is being ignored for awhile, she sadly walked to me....
Said sadly "I love you mommy"
I were touched.
I Kiss and hug her and sayang her hand.
And she looks at me and grin.

Perhaps is because too much things on my mind.
Stressful work, handling of maid and kids, soon moving of house etc.
That made my temper worst again.

Hope things will turn better soon