Goal: To get Amabel stay in bed and learn to fall asleep by herself.

Amabel just like most of the children has sleep and bedtime problems.

When it come to bed time,

• she dawdling the hours,
• protesting and refusing to go to bed,
• crying after being put to bed,
• finding ways to get out of bed,
• refusing to sleep in her own bed and keep wanting to sleep with her.

She fits the points that Dr Chong mentioned about kid having bedtime problem.

It become worst since her meimei is borned. Her bedtime from 10pm became 11pm -1am. I almost feel like giving up cause whenever I insisted to get Amabel to bed. Hus opposed when she cried. Still I insisted to get her to bed, and this strain the relationship with my hus.

I am pertinacious when come to discipline and handling my kids.

Hus doesn't aware that he accidentally encourage poor sleeping habits

Take an example -
You put your child to bed read a story and say goodnight. When you try to leave, your child started to scream. If the child learn that screaming will bring you back to their room or make you take them out of their bed, there is little incentive for them to stay quiet. If screaming gets your child what they want, it is likely to coninue and your child will not learn to fall sleep independently.

Dr Chong emphasized that children need a good night's sleep so they have enough energy for the next day's activities and a kid who doesn't have sufficient sleep at night will eventually affect their mood.
Hence, our first step is to get Amabel to develop a healthy, independent sleep pattern. So we as a parent also able to get adequate sleep and some child-free time.

Dr Chong provided lot of useful information to me, so shall just share it at later part of this post

We're in the seventh days of training her to sleep independently at a fix timing.
I would said it's smooth sailing and a success one.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 1, 1 April 09
I read through all the note that I written and information given by Dr Chong.
Be well prepare and make sure I'm clear and in the good mood to start the challenge

First, I count the time that Amabel need to get to bed to sleep inorder to get the sleep of at least 9 hours through. And it must be a comfortable time for me to start with.
Usually during weekdays, her school days, she will need to wake up by 7.30am. Hence she needs to get to bed by 10pm (30mins for her to fall asleep).
Hoping can slowly push it to earlier if time allow so Amabel can sleep even longer.

So I planned this and carried out since day 1, take into consideration that we reach home about 7pm.

7pm, Dinner together
7.45 to 8pm, about this timing, finishing her dinner. Letting her to relax her stomach and have some quiet playtime while I clean up for Aisleyne
8.30pm, shower for Amabel.
9pm, while waiting for Amabel hair to dry also, I will take care Aisleyne and Amabel so the maid can sweep and mop the floor and other housework. This will be the time where both of my kids can get together to build up the relationship; having quiet activities together.
And about 30 minutes before bedtime, I will tell Amabel, she will be going to bed soon.
9.30pm - Bedtime Routine. I will be helping Amabel with this, at the same time taking care of Aisleyne. If both kids cooperative, the bedtime routine can be done earlier and Amabel can go to bed earlier.

Amabel's Bedtime Routine
I developed a routine for her to follow before going to bed. Explained it to her.

1. Drink the milk - I prepare the milk for her
2. Brush the teeth - I help to brush her teeth first then let Amabel take over to learn to brush her own teeth.



3. Say goodnight - Amabel goes around the house saying goodnight to everybody including to her daddy who is not at home.



First day trial n error hence is slightly late abit at about 10.30pm then managed to go to bed. I get her to bed and off the light (she don't need nightlight) .

5. Be quiet in the bedroom (no calling out)
It took me afew minutes to explain to her why I need her to sleep on her own and sleep early and what will happened if she stay quietly in bed
eg: a surprise in the morning.

6. Say goodnight and leave.
Then I will say goodnight. Asking her to close her eye and sleep early. Telling her again; if she stay quiet in the room and sleep on her own; I will come in to check on her after awhile. Then I ignore whatever requests or complaints and leave.
7. Stay in her own bed until morning
i will praise her for listening to Mommy's instruction.

On the 1st day of training, she already quite cooperative. She never cry when I told her that I 'm going to leave her in the room to sleep on her own. Perhaps is because before that I already keep explaining to her patiently and clearly why I need her to sleep on her own and I told her that if she sleeps early and sleep on her own, tomorrow she wake up, Mommy will give her a sticker and coloring pencil with the book.

She nodded her head willingly. Then I leave her in the room with the door closed. I making sure the window is locked so it is safe. Initially planned to leave the door unclose, with just a small opening gap but I know she will surely come out. So thought closing the door will be a better option to get her trained fast.
She never cry or fuss when I close the door and leave her alone in the room.
The first time, I waited for 5 mins before I went in to check on her and she stay quiet on the bed throughout this 5 mins. I returned and praise her in a soft voice. I stay no more than 30 seconds as advised. And told her that I will come back again if she continue to stay quietly in bed and will be happy if she fall asleep on my next return.
I waited longer the 2nd time (10mins - I gradually extend the amount of time in between your checkups) before I return to check on her and again she's not yet fall asleep but she remain on her bed quietly and I praising her again and remind her that it is time to sleep and tomorrow morning I will give her the sticker and colouring.
She nodded and said 'Ok'.
On the third time I return (15mins), I slowly open the door and peeked at her and still she's not sleep but stay quitely on her bed with a sleepy look. So I went out quietly.
And after another few mins, the fourth time i returned, she's already fell asleep.
Then I moved the sleeping Aisleyne back to the room.

2nd day of training
I thought I'm just so luckily on the first day. But nope, on the 2nd day she also went to bed happily as instructed after her bedtime routine. Of course before that, I kept telling her nicely to go to bed and sleep after she brushes her teeth. So after she said goodnight to everyone, I get her to prepare her bed and lay on the bed quietly. And tell her if she likes yesterday, sleeping on her own without making any noise, I will give her a hug tomorrow morning.
And she replied "Mommy I want a big big STAR."
I never promise her cause I don't have any Star stickers. So I told her "Mommy don't have the star stickers, I ask Daddy to buy for you tomorrow."
She replied sweetly "OK"
I said goodnight to her and leave the room. As usually, I went in to check on her 4 times, 5mins->10mins later->15mins later -> and lastly 20mins later and she is sound asleep.

3rd day of training
This time, I increased the amount of time in between the checkups, from 5 mins to 10 mins increase per time. And this time, I told her I will give her a big big start next morning if she stay in the room quietly and sleep. After my 3rd return. She's already sleeping.

4th days of training
I thought of trying to leave the door open this time. So as usual, after I said goodnight and leave the room leaving the door open slightly. Then I sat in the living room breastfeeding Aisleyne.
I saw Amabel peeking out to the living room, looking at me quietly. I think she scares I will scold her, so she very quietly standing at the small door opening gap, peeking at me. She reserves, step back and then peek out again. Haha!
I saw it and stay calmly, immediately I carried Aisleyne with her still latching on to my breast. I hold her hand and bring her back to her bed. I thought she will protest and I keep reminding myself to ignore her protests if she does. But she never.
Then I told her to stay on her bed and sleep, then she will be my good girl. So I tried leaving the door slightly open. And continue brestfeeding Aisleyne in the living room. Again she did the same thing.
I went up to her calmly, holding her hand and bring her back to her bed again. I told her, 'If you come out of the bed again, I will close the door." Then I again leave the door slightly open.
And this stubborn girl, came out of the bed and peek out again.
This time, I went up to her, bring her to the bed. I told her "I will close the door this time. You faster sleep ok, so tomorrow you can wake up early to school"
Then I leave the room with the door closed. We went in after 10 mins later and she was asleep.

5th days of training
I tried leaving her in the bedroom with the door slightly open again. Just like the day before, she walked out of the room, looking for me. I immediately bring her back to the room. Asking her to lay down and sleep and told her she came out of the room so I need to close the door. Then I leave the room with the door closed. I went in to check on her only after 15mins later. Then I quietly went into the room without making any single sound and I peeked on her, she is tossing about, she fell asleep not long after.

6th days of training
Today still the same, when I leave the close open, she peeked out but never come out of the room. When she saw me walked to the room, she stepped back and I carried her to the bed and ask her to sleep. Give her a kiss and said goodnight to her then I closed the door. After 20 mins, I went to the room quietly and she was sleeping already.
7th days of training
Yesterday night, Amabel get into the bed at 10pm. She called Daddy who is playing soccer, to say goodnight to him.

I left the door opened after saying goodnight and was breastfeeding the cranky Aisleyne in the living room. I kept looking at the bedroom door, checking whether Amabel is peeking. And she never for the first 20 mins. I went into the room and she was in half sleep mode. After a while I went in again. she is sleeping.
Throughout this whole week, getting Amabel to bed is not that difficult. At least she never scream or cry at all. I am quite surprise. It is really not the usual her. Last time, when I just said the words, go sleep. She immediately start screaming and throwing tantrum.
Really really very surprise.
And I'm proud that she can sleep independently without needing anyone to sleep with her in a totally dark locked room.
And to continue encourage this behaviour, i never forget to praise her for carrying out the bedtime routine and staying quiet without throwing tantrum in their bed until morning. And every morning, I will praise her for following the steps of the bedtime routine. Sometime have a surprise ready for her in the morning, just like today morning I offered her favourite P. D. waffles before she boarded her school bus.
Oh yah... since both my kids sleep with us everynight. When I training Amabel to sleep independently, I let Aisleyne sleep in separate room first. When Amabel fell asleep then I move Aisleyne to our bedroom.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
here it is some useful info for my reader...
How to help prevent problem at bedtime

1. Make sure your child room is comfortable

• the room should be well ventilated and the temperature constant. Use a night light if your child is afraid of dark.
  

2. Set a Regular Bedtime

3. Established a Bedtime Routine



4. Prepare your child ahead of time

• About 30 minutes before bedtime, tell your child they will be going to bed soon. Invlove your child in quiet activities. About 10 minutes before bedtime, tell your child to finish what they are doing. Help your child with teeth, toilet and other getting ready for bed tasks such as saying goodnight to other family members.

5. Say goodnight and Leave

• When you are ready to leave, say goodnight and leave. Ignore whatever requests or complaints.

6. Encourage Desirable Behaviour

• In the morning, praise your child for following the steps of the bedtime routine. Have a surprise ready for them in the morning

How to teach your child to stay quietly in bed

Explain What Will Happen
Tell your child what will happened if they stay quietly in bed
Leave decisively. Ignore any requests or complaints.

Praise Your Child
If your child stays quietly in bed, return and praise them in a soft voice. Stay no more than 30 seconds. Tell your child you will come back again if they continue to stay quietly in bed. Wait afew minutes before returning and praising them again. Continue this routine, gradually increasing the time that you stay out of the room.

** If your child does not stay quietly in bed, choose one of the approaches below

Sleeping difficulties may get worst if parents begine a program without adequate preparation or start a program then stop and restart it. You cannot do it one day but not the next day.

If you are concerned that crying will disturb your neighbour s, you may like to explain what you are doing. Told Dr Chong about our neighbour who lodged afew complaints about Amabel making so much noises (screaming, crying etc). She asked us not to bother about her, temperamental children is like that one, adult must be understanding. She just said Don't care about her lah.

Haha


There are two approach to use:
Direct approach
The child will very likely to protest before they learn how to fall asleep independently.

It is best for the child if you do not respond at all to these protests. This will not harm your child. They will quickly learn how to fall asleep by themselves. If using this approach, do not even go to your child to check if they are alright. If you feel you need to check on them, the gradual approach may be more appropriate.

Explain what will happen
Follow the steps for preventing bedtime problem. Before saying goodnight, let them know what will happen if they stay in their room until morning e.g. a surprise.
Check that they understand. Say goodnight and leave. Ignore any requests or complaints.

Use Planned Ignoring
Do not say anything to your child and do not go back into their room. Be prepared for your child to cry. On the first night, children can cry anywhere from sfew minutes to several hours. You must be prepared to let them cry themselve to sleep. If you go to your child, you can actually make things worst - your child may learn to cry louder and longer to get your attention.
If you start using this approach, stick with it.
Ignore your child if they call out or cry. Remind yourself that no harm will come to your child. Your child will soon learn to go to bed happily and fall asleep independently.

Gradual Approach
This provides an opportunity for you to check on your child and to reassure yourself that they are alright. Follow the steps for preventing bedtime problem. Say goodnight to your child and leave.
Wait before You return to your child.
If your child cries when you leave, do not responsd straight away. Return after 5 minutes, pat you child gently as they lie in their bed and remind them that it is time to go to sleep. Your goal is to reassure your child and yourself, not necessarily to help them to stop crying and certainly not to stay until they fall asleep. After 1 minutes, leave your child, even if they are still crying.

Gradually extend the amount of time in between your checkups. Always wait 2 minutes longer than the last time --- wait 5 minutes, then 7, 9, 11 minutes and so on before returning to your child. You may choose not to check again if your child is beginning to quieten.

Gentle Approach
This technique is for younger toddlers., still sleeping in cot. It can be used to encourage your child to settle at night and during daytime rests. Put your child in their cot at a regular time.
Say goodnight and lie down in another bed in the same room. Pretend to be alseep until your child falls asleep and then leave the room. If your child wakes, lie down in the other bed again. Pretend to be asleep until your child goes back to sleep. If your child cries or screams, do not attend to them unless they are il or in danger.

What to do if your child gets out of bed
Return Your Child to Bed
Stay calm. Immediately return your child to their bed if they come out of their room
If necessary pick your child up and carry them back to their bed.
Ignore all protests.

Close Your Child's Bedroom Door
If your child come out again, take them back and either close the door.
Open the door when your child has been quiet for 2 minutes. Repeat this step every time your child comes out of their room. Take your child back to bed and close the door until your child is quiet for another 2 minutes. Your child will learn that it is better to stay in your room with door open rather than closed.

If you cannot or choose not to close your child's bedroom door, immediately return your child to their bed everytime they come out of their room. Stay calm and do not talk to your child. May need to do this many times before your child fall asleep.


What to do when your child cries during the night
If your toddler is not in pain or ill, give very littel attention to them if they cry during the night. Too much play or comfort can accidentally reward crying and can mean more problems in the future.

POINTS TO REMEMBER
If your child shares a room with another child and is disturbing their sleep, the children will need to be separated. If possible, move your other child into another room while your toddler learns how to fall asleep independently. After a week, your children will be able to share a room again.
As your child develops a good bedtime routine, you will not need to remind them of the steps every night. Even though you will discuss the steps less often, they will still apply. Be consistent with the approach you choose to use. Gradually make rewards less predictable by giving them every now and then.
Now I am hoping I can get Amabel to automatically follow the bedtime routine and get into the bed and sleep without me instruct her to everynight. And may start to train Aisleyne using the Gentle Approach.
Wish me good luck!

Labels: CDU, My Video, Slumberland