1 April 2009 - A consultation at CDU

Have been long waited for today to come.
An appointment with pediatrician/psychiatric, Dr Chong S.C, at Child Developmental Unit in Jurong Polyclinic.
She's a very nice lady; profession in autism, learning and developmental difficulties in children, and is currently helping to run the autism parents’ support programme in CDU.

The whole consultation took about an hour plus.
We have a clearer mind, what we should do and what we should stop in order to help her.
Be firm.
especially hubby got to be firm
Dr Chong can see; I'm usually quite cool over it and firm in my stand when Amabel throwing tantrum.
That explained why Amabel behave extremely bad when Hus is around, she said.
And now she is getting worst cause we never resolve it soon enough.
Me and Hus are not in the same frequency when come to discipline the kids, hence Amabel may be confused; what she can do, what she cannot...
I have been blaming hus for alway siding her, giving in to her, resulting in this unacceptable behaviours.
Now I think hus knew that he shouldn't continue to give in to her after Dr Chong's advices.
HOPEFULLY

Dr Chong said it is pretty common for a 2 years plus toddler to appear to be demanding, stubborn and uncooperative. The only thing that is abnormal and need urgent attention is her extreme behaviour like pulling hair, bite herself, fisting.
She monitored her through some play and talk with her.
Her temper is considered very intense, and she definitely want to have alot of our attention.
The only way to get attention is to scream, refuse to do whatever instruction given, throwing things, pulling hair, just to get our attention.
She said, if we observe carefully, we will notice everytime she's throwing tantrum, she will actually peek at our reaction.
See whether we react to her actions.
True enough,
I do notice it.
So cause everytime she does these, and success in getting our attention. Whenever she want attention, she will just do the aforementioned again.
So we got to be firm, all family member must be consistent, be firm to her.
She screams or cry, let her do it. ignore her.
So she will learn to know, by doing so, she won't be getting her way anyway.
But if she does anything dangerous, immediately stop her and put her in naughty corner (time-out)

Her such behaviour is also partly because her character is like that and with our don't know what is the correct way to discipline her, making it worst.
Every children have different temperaments; some are quiet and easygoing and rarely have tantrums. Others have quick tempers and often have tantrums.
And she said Amabel fell in latter category.

Here I show a few videos I took it secretly afew day ago without her aware of it .
She throwing tantrum, when she couldn't find her daddy at home.
I will tell her the truth that her Daddy go to work or whatever places like play soccer etc.
(If it was her Dad, he will bluff her by secretly went out cause he worry she will want to tag along, which I feel that it is not the right way)
I always ignore her and let her cry it out.
If it doesn't work after she cried for half an hour, I will lock her inside the room or toilet.
She will usually continue to cry for more than 20 minutes.
She's really very stubborn.








Children also learn to continue having tantrums if they get what they want. They learn to turn up or escalate their behaviour to make other people give in to their demands.

Given me an example:
Your child picks up a small toy in the supermarket and say "I want it Mama". You calmly say "No" and put it back. Your child whines, grabs the toy and start shouting "I want ! I want !"
If you try to avoid the tantrum by saying ok have it. But just this once... your child will learn that No mean try harder and protest louder until you get it. If tantrum work, they are likely to happen again

This is what hubby usually does; not firm enough always give in to her.
This resulted me frustrated with hus even more.
Cause I am trying so hard to discipline her the appropriate way yet he is giving in to her demand.

I told him not to let her watch TV at night, he let her watch it when she cry for it. Not just half an hour or one but whole day.
I told him not to give her eat too much sweet, and he keep buying for her when she whine for it.
I insisted to bring Amabel to bed early, she refused, scream and crying out for daddy. So he let her get out of the bedroom.

I really tired till I give up on both of them.
Cause really no point for trying so hard yet no one is supporting me.
He once asked me, you see you go so many courses on how to handle tantrum child, yet you also cannot handle Amabel.
I really don't want to argue back; cause how to handle tantrum kid when the family member doesn't cooperate and support at all.
Right?

I am really very stress till I choose to beat her when she is naughty and refuse to obient. Even though I know that's not the right way. But really there is no way to get her to behave well when she know someone out there will side her until I beat real hard till she feel the pain and scare of it and stop throwing temper.
We were warned not to cane or beat her.
That's not the right way. She will learn to think that someone do something wrong, she can just use force to solve the problem.

Then Dr Chong gave alot of advise and guides like

to prevent tantrum, were told to

• keep the child's usual routine for meal and sleep times
• Keep them busy with activities
• Praise them for behaving well
• decide if your child's request are reasonable before you say Yes or No. Then stick to your decision

How to manage tantrum

• Ignore tantrums; must be completely ignored. Do not look or speak to her. If it is safe walk away and pay no attention to her until tantrum stops. As soon as she is quiet and behave well, praise her
• If tantrum does not stop, tell her what they have done wrong and the consequence. You have not done what mama asked. Now go to naughty corner. Take her to an uninteresting but safe room or space. Tell her she must be quiet for 1 minutes before they can come out. Give reminder even though she might be upset or angry.
• Return to her when she has been quiet for a minute, prasie her for behaving well. If tantrum occur again, return them tonaughty corner again
• If tantrum occurs when you are out, use ignoring aforementioned method if possible. If not possible, may need to use quite time which involve a safe and quiet place to sit with the child. Tell your child they must sit quietly for about 30 secs. If the child does not quieten down, as a last resort pick them up, go home and take them straight to time-out.

If managed well, it are less common in 3 and 4 year olds.
As children learn to solve problems in other ways, they have fewer tantrums.
They may not outgrow of tantrums without the help from parent.
So now part of our task is to teach her to manage frustration and express anger in appropriate ways.

5 things we need to do and carry out when we get home;
1. Warning; give 3 warnings
2. Time-out (naughty corner)
3. Praise (hugs) and reward (a sticker) often whenever she behaves well
4. Ignore difficult behaviours ~ cry/scream it out * only return when she stops
5 Eliminate boredom

Dr Chong arranged her in a behaviour mangement program with the therapist.

Then were told that first we have to correct her sleeping pattern. (mentioned above)

Cause Amabel have been sleeping quite late, usually betweem 11.30pm to 1am and have to wake up about 7.30am for school.
At such a age, she should be sleeping at least 9 hours throughout the night; if not she will be cranky throughout the day.
Were told that she may be sleepy at night, but she behave to be still hyperactive. This explained why she is cranky at night and hence the cycle continue everyday; not enough sleep, cranky. We must set a bedtime routine for her, put her to sleep early, at the same timing, doing the same things before getting her to bed, like last milk feed, brush teeth, story telling , dim the light. SLEEP.
And have to train her to sleep on her own.

Have enforced this for two night after the consulation, will cover this in my next post

Got to prepare for work now
=)

Labels: Amabel's behaviour, CDU